Left to right are Wescott Principal Dr. Chris Brown, speaker Dr. Lisa Kaplin, and PTO members who coordinated this presentation, Grace Jeon and Christie Hartbarger.
Dr. Lisa Kaplin Shares Wisdom for Reducing Family Anxiety at Wescott School
Dr. Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a corporate speaker. She also has a great sense of humor. This dynamic doctor passionately devotes her life to helping adults and children overcome stress in order to find more peace and joy in their personal life and success and meaning in their professional lives.
However, she was recently heard proclaiming that the most important job in her life is, and always will be, parenting her three children, who are now in their 20s and “adulting" successfully outside of the family home.
It was on the evening of January 30, when she made this proclamation confidently with a big smile, while addressing over 50 Wescott School parents, Principal Dr. Chris Brown, and PTO organizers Grace Jeon, Christie Hartbarter and Co-Presidents Ankur Singal and Norbert Barszczewski. Her presentation focused specifically on the very important topic of "Helping Your Child Reduce Anxiety and Feel Competent and Confident.”
During her hour-long presentation, Dr. Kaplin talked to parents about identifying clinical verses situational anxiety, that affects many of today’s children. She provided several important verbal tools for parents to help children feel more competent and less stressed.
Clinical and situational anxiety are an epidemic among today’s schoolchildren. Some signs of stresses that can instigate or exacerbate these conditions were cited: Problems at school, social issues, and sleep, and eating disorders. She noted that the clinical is more serious, but both conditions require empathy and therapy.
There was a larger discussion on how the parents’ childhood differed from their child’s/ren’s childhood. Today the majority of adults and children are highly-engaged digital citizens and involved with social media. Kids are also subject to a higher intensity and high expectations in the educational and athletic arenas. Dr. Kaplan acknowledged the societal influences, but brought the discussion back to the "ground level.” She stressed the importance of parental empathy.
“Everyone wants to be seen and heard. Show that you are really listening. Keep your own eyes off of the phone, television, and computer. When your student comes home complaining about a bad day at school, and how a friend slighted them, begin by affirming that you have heard them. Then validate. For example, you can say, ‘I can understand how that would make you feel bad. Repeat or paraphrase back what your child has told you. If the child really feels like he/she has been heard, the stress lessens,” she exclaimed.
A larger discussion ensued about having a parenting manifesto, including unconditional love, family values, knowing what is best for one’s family.
“Are you tough enough to say ‘No?'” she asked the audience.
Dr. Kaplan gave examples of how when kids fail it can help them to be more resilient. By not stepping in to fix their problems, they become empowered to take care of things out for themselves, and even figure out how to learn on their own, as well.
She read the following poignant poem by William Martin:
“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
At the end of the presentation, Dr. Kaplan stressed the importance of making home a safe place for kids. Limit phone, television, computer use, basically all electronic engagement. By setting some of these rules, it should help with everyone's anxiety levels.
At the beginning of the evening, Dr. Kaplan asked the parents to describe what kind of person they want their child/ren to be when they turn 18. The majority of the answers were as follows: “Confident,” “Kind,” “Not susceptible to peer pressure,” “Resourceful,” “Resilient." She does this to help parents look at the end of their parenting duties and focus on how to help their child develop into the word or phrase that they chose.
She said that she noticed that no one said “A scholar,” “An Ivy League student,” or “A super star athlete." Read more on the subject @ http://lisakaplin.com/your-child-in-a-word/
To learn more about Dr. Kaplin, go to http://lisakaplin.com/
